Wives Submit . . . To Whom? A Look at 1 Peter 3

[A guest post from Pastor Jill Richardson]

A few months ago, we watched the movie “Arrival.” Twelve alien ships hovered over the earth, and the movie’s tagline asked everyone’s question—Why Are They Here?

This was roughly the attitude of the Romans toward the early Christians. They had no idea what to do with these alien people whose thoughts, actions, and values no longer matched their society. Like many others do when confronted with people they don’t understand, the Romans did what history records—they persecuted the different ones.

Peter writes to his churches in this climate, and he offers some controversial instructions to those suffering people—instructions we wrestle with still. In fact, this is the third time this week I’ve wrestled with his instructions to wives, a record even for me, an avowed evangelical feminist pastor.

“In the same way, you wives must accept the authority of your husbands. Then, even if some refuse to obey the Good News, your godly lives will speak to them without any words. They will be won over by observing your pure and reverent lives.” (1 Peter 3:1-2, NLT.)

What’s the Point?

I like to look at an author’s reasons for writing something, whether it’s an epistle in the Bible or a Facebook “news” article, before I decide what he or she means. (Forgive me, I used to be an English teacher. Also, it’s just good exegesis.)

For Peter, the overarching point throughout his letters is this — How do we Christians behave in a hostile world in a way that points people to Jesus? You can see it everywhere in his words. This was Peter’s filter, the lens through which he saw and wrote every line. Why does that matter when considering his instructions to wives?

It’s everything.

If we don’t look at those verses through Peter’s intended lens, we don’t see what he wanted us to see. It’s like looking at the Rockies with a fisheye lens when they were meant to be panoramic. You get distortion, mountaintops that swell, lakes and trees that shrink. You miss the point.

Peter reinforces his theme when he tells his readers the reason for wifely submission—your husbands will be won over to Christ because of the way you live.

What’s the Context?

Christian women married to unbelieving men was common. Some were married before becoming believers. Some married later by the command of a father or because there were too few Christian men. (There were fewer men in the society as a whole—much the same problem that China faces now for some of the same reasons.) Whatever the reason, they found themselves in a dilemma. They knew they were free and equal in Christ. Some believed it would be right to leave their spouse and begin over as a believer. Everyone, especially Peter, knew wholesale acts like that would make the surrounding society hate and misunderstand Christians even more.

Since the goal was (repeat after me) — to behave in a hostile world in a way that points people to Jesus — Peter discouraged that. He wanted those women to remain in their marriages and bring the men to Christ.

Peter, like Paul, addresses the tension between offering new freedom, which looked too much like revolution to the Romans (and they were right—it was), and maintaining security and order. In Christ, you are free and equal—but how do we use that in a society where that’s seen as a dangerous, rebellious, uprooting of every social order?

In a world where the empire, your husband, and possibly everyone else is against you, how do you respond? The only option for the underdog was to submit. Peter imagined women whose goodness to their husbands would be so beautiful the men would have no choice but to see Jesus. (“You should clothe yourselves instead with the beauty that comes from within, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is so precious to God.” v4)

Commoners, Slaves, and Wives

Regardless of chapter division, these instructions for wives to submit come in a series of three. We come to chapters 2-3, and we see the word “submit” (voluntarily accept the authority) three times. Christians—submit to your government, slaveowners, and husbands. All three are legal institutions that require your allegiance.

Yes, all three. The thing we moderns don’t comprehend is that the marital relationship in Rome was every bit as much a legal arrangement as slavery and citizenship. A husband was a woman’s legal owner. He was not, as we like to believe in our modern western world, her lover. Certainly, love and affection did happen, and Peter banks on this, but it wasn’t the expected outcome. The institution resembled our modern marriage about as much as your relationship to your dog does.

So his instructions to wives are the same as they are to slaves and commoners. Submit to your legal authority. Behave in a way that is so Christlike neither he nor anyone else can say anything against you.

In a hostile world, point your spouse to Jesus.

If one is going to assert that these verses mean all women submitting to their husband for all time, then we’re forced to also assume all slaves are to obey their masters for all time, because this group of three was not meant to be divided. The same verb is used for all because all three groups (commoners, slaves, and wives) were legal underdogs in Rome.

If that’s the case, my denomination’s entire raison d’être was unbiblical. I’m going to have to tell the bishops.

People tried to claim Peter’s biblical submission regarding American slaves in the 1800’s, but the public found this a reprehensible application of Scripture. Strangely, many Christians do not find the same argument regarding wives at all reprehensible, but they embrace it as a statute for all time. This doesn’t preserve the integrity of Peter’s argument or grammar.

More accurately, Peter was imploring his people to accept whatever institutions they were under and use those structures to glorify Christ. The question then is, do these structures still exist, and if not, to what institutions do we submit? An argument can be made, for example, that we submit to employers in much the way slaves were told to submit to masters, because that is our modern institution to make use of for the glory of Christ. Marriage, I would argue, is not at all the same legal institution it was then.

A Whole New World

Was submission of slaves to masters a temporary state until Christianity permeated enough of the world with its salty tang that the institution of slavery no longer existed? If so, then why not the submission of wives to their legal owners, their husbands, until the same thing happened with the institution of marriage?

We get a hint of that, in fact, in following verse.

“In the same way, you husbands must give honor to your wives. Treat your wife with understanding as you live together. She may be weaker than you are, but she is your equal partner in God’s gift of new life. Treat her as you should so your prayers will not be hindered.” (1 Peter 3:7.)

Peter drops a revolutionary bomb here. Husbands, love your wives, because you are equals. First, Roman culture didn’t consider loving one’s wife a necessity. They actually considered it a downright inconvenience. Second, equals? LOL.

Peter had a new world order here in mind, but he was mapping it out slowly. While Christian wives were submitting to unbelieving husbands? Believing couples were to model what real kingdom life was like. They lived in love and respect with one another. When an unbelieving husband was brought around to Jesus, that’s what he saw, and that’s what the new believing couple would become.

It was a revolution in family order, but it was slow.

In fact, Peter’s plan for marriage was far more difficult than the simplicity of women submitting to men. That would be easy. His calling for mutual honor was far more difficult and powerful. Wives and husbands would love so well that submission would not be even close to what they did. They would transcend it. The sacrifice for one another and the desire to encourage, lift up, honor, respect, and give to the other would be beyond some piddly submission. That is what would, and did, bring unbelieving Romans to Christ.

Which was, as we said, the whole point.


Jill Richardson is a writer, speaker, pastor, mom of three girls, and author of five books. Currently, she is working on her doctorate in church leadership and pastors Resolution Church, a Free Methodist community in the Chicago suburbs. She is a firm believer in the power of grace, restoration, hope, and Earl Grey. She loves cats, oceans, the Cubs, JRR Tolkien, traveling, her family, fish tacos, and God, not necessarily in that order. Her passion is partnering with the next generation of faith. You can find Jill: Blog, Facebook, Twitter, Instagram.

This entry was posted in Uncategorized and tagged , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

10 Responses to Wives Submit . . . To Whom? A Look at 1 Peter 3

  1. Laura says:

    It takes time to get to know people. Mirroring people helps fit in though. If people are from a different religion it does not mean they cannot be friends or friendly. Women especially form friendships because men pass through. The problem is that men view things differently. Genes can produce different characteristics in siblings. It is all about respect. Some people don’t respect back. Which is sad. The Romans considered themselves superior. They had many gods and didn’t one of the Emperors convert to Christianity?

    • Laura says:

      When visiting the Roman Baths, the Romans had structure with the different classes, the slaves being at the bottom. Society works on merit I would have thought a lot more. I think that the Roman way of life is still with us. They are said to have invented the Roast Dinner. I believe that some people really go back to the structure when they are insecure.

  2. Bravo Jill!

    I offer a tiny tweak that makes her point even stronger. In the Roman empire, being a Roman citizen meant you were in the top 10%, a VIP, as contrasted with a commoner, a subject of the empire. People paid lots of money in order to become Roman citizens or free people voluntarily became slaves of a citizen so that when they were freed, the Roman master would grant them citizenship because of their previous loyalty to them.

  3. Thank you for this, Jill – I really appreciate your analysis. The last paragraph particularly struck me – that God’s plan is that we (as husbands/wives and Christians in general) transcend submission to something even greater. That is a helpful response to those who seem to see submission as just letting the other person have their way, and who ask “How are you ever going to decide anything if you have mutual submission?” That question implies that submission is just about decision-making and “casting the deciding vote.” But you’ve shown that it is so very much more. Wonderful post.

  4. Richard Huston says:

    Thank you for helping us to peer beneath the surface of the words, in order to perceive the meaning of the message.

  5. JR Williams says:

    Peter gives a reason for submission; it need not be the only reason (nor even necessarily the only one in view in this text, as submission is “godly” and called for even when then husbands aren’t won over but refuse to obey the gospel). Marriage under Roman law was a very patriarchal, unjust system, but not as far from today as our relations to our dogs, nor a purely property relation (i.e., you can sell what you own). Slavery should never exist anywhere; but where it does, I think Peter’s command is still binding for Christian slaves, just as submitting to autocratic, despotic governments is still binding for Christians under them. But marriage, unlike slavery and empire, is a creation ordinance which reflects the relation of Christ and his church.

  6. Pingback: Aliens and Wives – jill.m.richardson

  7. Gary says:

    Is it possible that both Paul and Peter were wrong about this issue? Maybe they were both ignorant of gender equality due to their misogynistic cultures, therefore their writing reflects societal biases, not the words of the Creator.

  8. Pingback: God’s Good Plan for Relationships – jill.m.richardson

  9. Pingback: God’s Good Plan for Relationships — jill.m.richardson – Site Title

Talk to me (or don't)

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.