Summer reading is some of the best reading. Choose wisely and – whatever you do! – make sure you don’t read these books:
Pride and Prejudicial Error: In this sequel to Pride and Prejudice, Lizzie Bennet’s adventures continue after her marriage to Mr. Darcy. As she sees him carry out his duties as local magistrate, she learns of the law and becomes enamored of the notion she could ascend to the bench. He tries to talk her out of it and that’s when he learns the error of his ways.
Frankenstein’s Monster Truck: In this modern retelling of Mary Shelley’s classic, Victor Frankenstein – a brilliant mechanical engineer – seeks to bring a truck to life after being unable to find a driver worthy of competing in the championship rally. He tops the truck off with gas and leaves it out in a thunderstorm, where it is struck by a bolt from the sky. The truck awakens but the roar of its engine is more than Frankenstein can take. Feeling the rejection of its creator, the truck roars off and wanders the back roads competing in small town demolition derbies. No one will race against it, as this monster literally crushes every car and truck it faces. Until it ran out of gas and stopped.
The Man Who Would Be King Kong: Two soldier-adventurers in 19th Century India search for fame and fortune, looking for a kingdom of their own to rule. They make their way to a remote Bengali island shrouded in mystery and rumor, hoping their western technology of advanced weaponry will secure their place as rulers. A giant gorilla eats them.
Moby Dick and Jane: Jane is an ambitious marine scientist who wants to find the biggest whale in the world. Follow her adventures as she writes grants proposals, meets with potential funding agencies, and submits government form after government form. This book will have you snoozing in your lawn chair by the third page, guaranteed.
Oliver Twist and Shout: This biography of the young Liverpool orphan who desired to be a Beatle will strike a chord with everyone who ever dreamed of being a rocker. Oliver grew up down the street from Paul McCartney’s family and hung around the nascent rocker as he started playing music with John Lennon and George Harrison. No matter how much he shouted or twisted in eager anticipation, though, they would not let him join their group as he lacked all musical talent. He went on to invent the air guitar.
I am always eager for recommendations on other books to avoid. Please leave yours in a comment.