The Husband Who Never Lets His Wife Do Anything – a parable in dialogue

“My wife’s away at one of those women’s conferences this weekend.”

“Do they have good speakers lined up?”

“You got me. I just figured it’s nice for the ladies to have some time away together. That way they can talk about female things. So I let her go.”

“Let her go?”

“Well sure. Why not?”

“I never let my wife go to conferences.”


“Never. Not once.”

“That’s harsh. You should let her get out once in a while.”

“Our marriage doesn’t work that way ”

“Ours does. I let her do things like that all the time.”

“And there’s the problem.”

“What do you mean? It makes her happy to get out like that without me once in a while.”

“I’m sure it does. My wife likes getting out without me, too.”

“I thought you just said you don’t let her.

“I don’t. She does it anyway.”

“You mean without your permission?”

“Of course. Why …”

“But …”

“… would she ever need my permission? She’s an adult and …”

“But …”

“… and I trust her judgment at least as much as she trusts mine.”

“But you just said you’d never let her go.”

“And I meant it. I don’t ‘let’ her because she doesn’t need my permission to do anything. If she thinks something’s important or interesting or fun or worthwhile and wants to do it, that’s her call. Me letting her never enters the equation.”

“And that works for you? I don’t think my marriage could work that way.”

“When’s your wife coming home from the conference?”

“Later this afternoon.”

“Tell you what. Why don’t you talk about it with her over dinner and see if she’s open to the idea.”

“You think I should?

What could it hurt?”

“I mean, I would kind of like not being the one who has to decide what’s right for both of us all the time.”

“Ask her what she thinks. She might even let you give it a try.”


[For a look at biblically based decision making in a marriage where the couple mutually submits to one another, see Marriage Is Not a Democracy.]

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10 Responses to The Husband Who Never Lets His Wife Do Anything – a parable in dialogue

  1. Haha….I love that last line.

    I am happy for my wife to do whatever she likes. In fact, I hope she has an affair one day soon.

    As for me, I always have to justify anything I want to do!


    • Doug says:

      Perhaps I misunderstand you, Bow. Consider trust! Do you “have to justify” because there’s distrust? I’ve been there. Love, liberty, trust. Selah!


  2. Jeannie Prinsen says:

    I appreciate this, Tim — in fact, I appreciate anything that pushes back against any unequal language about marriage, like “His wife’s out of town so he’s babysitting the kids” or “Having a husband is like having another child” …. 😦

  3. Kathy Heisleman says:

    Perfect Tim! This idea can’t be said enough times. I liked the way you put it into a dialogue–very clear and accessible. Makes it so easy to put oneself in the place of one of the speakers.
    Love your blog!

  4. Caroline says:

    Just found this rather refreshing blog. I’m not at all religious, but am fascinated by the opinions, attitudes, and lifestyles of the most conservative of Christians. In these crazy divisive times I find it interesting to at least read about how people much more conservative than I am see the society we live in today. I will admit that I read too many over-the-top blogs and have become even more jaded about organized religion. Discovering your point of view is a reminder that not all who call themselves Christians are extreme and judgmental towards those of us who believe (or don’t) differently. My best friend who passed away seven years ago was a Fundamentalist Christian, but we were able to enjoy our friendship without judging each other’s lifestyles or beliefs. I miss her very much as well as our long talks about important things like religion, family, the state of the world, and how we could help others.

    I’ll keep reading, and hopefully learn something new 🙂

    Thank you,

    • Tim says:

      She sounds like a wonderful friend, Caroline. Thank you so much for letting me know you found this train wreck of a blog worth reading!

    • Kristina Martinez says:

      I love how you go out to see how others think and feel even though different than your view. Tim is an awesome man and I think I like the way he thinks

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