Christian Dating Tips – the one to avoid

Here’s my tip: If you’re ever speed dating and run across this guy, run the other way.

speed datingRead, study, have opinions, talk about ideas, be willing to learn and willing to teach.

Explore. Examine. Express your thoughts.

Be an interesting person and take an interest in other people.

Which leads me to my next dating tip: If you ever find yourself on a date with someone who thinks you shouldn’t do those things, it’s completely OK to go home early, pick up a book or turn on the TV, and never date the person again.

Let me know if you want more tips. I have plenty.



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29 Responses to Christian Dating Tips – the one to avoid

  1. says:

    So I have had my first five dates as a widow of almost 2 years–younger man. Theologically compatable but he is not even going to church now! I confronted him about that, and he broke it off in a fashion that we are still friends.

    The dating world has changed!

  2. DragonLady says:

    So I was in a conversation in a private FB group yesterday which went way off the original topic, and was given a bit of information regarding a couple of our children. (I say “our” when none of them are mine.) I was told of a breakup with the young lady being told by her now ex-boyfriend that he could never be with a woman who was in the military. Naturally, as I am an Air Force vet, that got all over me. But knowing the young man who said that is a pastor’s son at a church I used to attend that advertises it is “Conservative,” and knowing the extend of the “Complementarian” belief among the congregants, I made the statement, “‘he could never be with a girl in the military’ = ‘I can’t be with a girl that I can’t completely rule.'” Infuriates me!

  3. Mary Anne says:

    One of the reasons I’m STILL single after all these years . . . X-(

    Better than being married to one of these guys, though.

  4. Anonymous says:

    Last Halloween I dressed up and went out with a guy I met online who wanted a photo of my car, but not of me. He was incredulous that I ended it.

    • Tim says:

      His idea of how to impress you or connect with you was to ask for a photo of your car? Hmm. To each his own, I suppose. I’ve never had a car worth photographing, so it’s all a mystery to me.

      • Anonymous says:

        Indeed! I was very surprised. But over dinner he mentioned that he was living with his mother and his business was out of cash. So I suppose he had another agenda besides connecting emotionally.

        • Lea says:

          Wow! I would have wondered if it was a joke (‘send picture of boat’ style) but it doesn’t sound like it. Crazy.

  5. Janey says:

    I don’t see very many emotionally healthy never-married Christians over age 35 marrying. Part of it is simply a numbers problem. There are not a lot of employed, educated, emotionally healthy Christian men. (I don’t need to tell you, Tim, our prison population is 90% male.)

    Pew Research reports:

    Among never-married adults ages 25 to 34, the number of employed men per 100 women dropped from 139 in 1960 to 91 in 2012, despite the fact that men in this age group outnumber young women in absolute numbers. In other words, if all never-married young women in 2012 wanted to find a young employed man who had also never been married, 9% of them would fail, simply because there are not enough men in the target group. Five decades ago, never-married young women had a much larger pool of potential spouses from which to choose.

    Add to that: The marriage rate has gone down since the 1990s.

    This will be the first generation where 25% never marry.

    So that leaves single Christians (and their pastors) with an interesting challenge emotionally and spiritually. Churches need to stop harping on marriage so much, or people will give up and walk out the door. Marriage rates aren’t going up to the levels of prior generations no matter how much pressure the pastor and youth pastor applies.

    We Christian singles might benefit from asking ourselves, “If I knew I would never marry, how would I want to live? Is there anything I have put on hold until marriage that I could do now? (Travel, nice furniture, career advancement, education, fostering or adopting children?) What service will I offer the community? (In the 1920’s a lot of single women became teachers after WW1 killed about 1 million young men. Our sex ratio imbalance today isn’t quite as dramatic.) Would I be willing to marry outside of my ethnicity, age, religion, educational level, or income level?

    In the end, we determine our own happiness. What we do with our one valuable and precious life is our choice.

    • Tim says:

      Those stats are interesting, Janey, and even more interesting is that set of questions you pose. Those are what we should all be asking ourselves: what can we be doing with where we are in life? Excellent queries.

  6. I learned the hard way that you should never date a man who’s threatened by your intelligence.

  7. Lea says:

    I am dating right now in the 30s/40s age range. It is definitely an interesting world. I think I have mostly had to really decide what things are truly important. Anyway, I would be interested in hearing more Tim Tips!

    • Tim says:

      I bet it’s an interesting world, Lea. My biggest tip is to always focus on Jesus. I know, that’s the Sunday School answer to everything. But if that’s what you do and that’s what he does then there’s a good chance you’ll do it together. It’s no guarantee that it will lead to the romance of the century, but it will at the very least lead to fellowship in the Spirit.

  8. Pastor Bob says:

    Remember who Jesus is -always.
    Remember His principles.
    NEVER compromise your convictions.
    Do not be lulled into complacency (It will never happen to me … YES IT WILL!!)
    Do not let someone talk your convictions down.
    Caution is a valuable part of discretion.
    WWJD – is something to REALLY do.

  9. JYJames says:

    One Sunday I accidentally ended up in the Singles Sunday School. It’s a megachurch, and I had noted the study but not the demo. However, I was a widow.

    The guy up front had breakfast on his shirt. A guy at the next table had his fly down. The women were aggressive, the men gave me the look-over and made suggestions regarding connecting (with guys). I was shy, scared, and totally unprepared.

    Two things made everyone step back – when I set a boundary regarding touching etc., and when I did not adhere to intellectual limitations.

    My megachurch is right wing conservative baptist.

    A widower friend who goes to a different megachurch told his pastor that 50% of adults are single and their church could do better with addressing this group – with activities AND moral standards.

    Church seems apathetic about morals with the mature group. The church seems even more apathetic about singles in general. Jesus was single. I guess the church would not care about Him either.

    My widower friend’s megachurch – that could care less about singles – just folded.

    • Tim says:

      Those are both sad commentaries on how the two congregations dealt with single adults, JYJ. I think there are places that must do it well, but the ones that don’t seem to stand out.

      • JYJames says:

        Your post is: The One to Avoid, so avoiding lust, aggression, marginalization, and disengagement – even in a church setting – seems appropriate.

        And, YES, there are Christians and fellowships that do well with integrity, promoting safe environments that are friendly and hospitable without encroachment.

        For example, the self-organized Christian lunch bunch that meets every Sunday at a restaurant after church from various fellowships in town. A fun and engaging group.

        A follow-up post could be: The One to Approach.

        I was at a meeting of executives and the owner of a major league sports franchise walked across the room and said, “You’re a Christian, aren’t you?” He told me about his family and faith, I spoke of mine. Now, this is not in the context of dating, however, in a social/business context, being a person of integrity stands out (it sets the conditions for quality relationships of all demos in every context).

  10. Pingback: Christian Dating Tips – intelligence, ignorance and accomplishments | Tim's Blog – Just One Train Wreck After Another

  11. I do know how lucky I am. In my younger years I had some terrible relationships with men who were taught in the church that I was to be their helper and that was my only role. I ended up with a narcissist. I finally realized that I had to change too (once I got out of that relationship). I met a wonderful man who eventually put me through seven years of college so I could become someone who knew more and made more money than he did, just because it was my dream. This didn’t faze him a bit. He loves that I have been able to fulfill my personal dreams and has constantly supported me throughout the last twenty-four years. They are out there, ladies. Just don’t settle.

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