I’m not going to mince words here, because this needs to be said and I’m just the man to say it. And make no mistake – if you are a woman and you refuse to heed my words, you are choosing a life of failure.
Here it is:
Every woman needs a man.
You don’t believe me? Well I didn’t say it; the Bible did.
But don’t expect me to go looking up those verses for you. If you follow my advice you won’t need me to prove my points from Scripture, and if you refuse to follow my advice then no amount of
scripture bombs proof-texting scriptural support will save you from your inherent weakness: the folly that is woman.
But you don’t have to take my word for it. Just read what these other men have to say about women.
What you wear
First let’s hear from Pastor Rick Hermann, who is extremely concerned that too many women today don’t have a godly father/husband/older guy in their lives. So he’s stepping into the gap for you.
As someone that cares about Christian women I want to give a little pastoral/fatherly counsel. I find there are less and less young ladies that have a Godly father or male role model to speak truth into their lives. I would like to speak to Christian females as a loving father, as if I am talking to my three girls.
His big concern? The evil of yoga pant.
And you know they must be evil because, as your self-appointed surrogate father, Pastor Hermann is really concerned about them. Listen to him, women; he’s the strong father you’ve been missing your whole lives.
And don’t you dare wear yoga pants.
Who you marry
Next we’ll hear from Tim and David Bayly, whose concern for women is so strong that they insist no woman should be trusted to select her own husband. Instead, according to their post Wooing as Warfare, the husband should select her.
The young man who pursues marriage enters a foreign land where he wages war. On the hinges of that battle lie happiness or shame.
But though a potential bride may be deeply loved, she’s also at some level the foe. To achieve victory the young man must not only win her, he must defeat her and her family, snatching her from their bosom, converting her to himself, breaking her natural bonds with father and mother, brother and sister, nurse and friend, dog and home. There’s little that’s tender about it.
Of course, it’s not that the father has no say at all in the matter. If the wrong young man gets a hold of his daughter, the father can – and must! – step in and fix everything and make it all better whether she wants him to or not.
Scripture reveals certain fatherly privileges that apply only to daughters. A father can veto his daughter’s vows and God will hold her guiltless.
Oh the blessings of such “fatherly privileges” the Bayly brothers find for us. (Us fathers, that is.)
Of course it’s not all a life of privilege for fathers. We also have responsibilities to our daughters. Or rather, as Voddie Baucham points out, we fathers have a responsibility to our daughters’ future husbands. In the chapter “Don’t Send a Woman to Do a Man’s Job” from his book What He Must Be: …If He Wants to Marry My Daughter, Mr. Baucham says:
Quite simply, our jobs as fathers is to present our daughters to their husbands as virgin brides (Deuteronomy 22:13-21).
So women, please let a man do a man’s job when it comes to ensuring your virginity. And when it comes to making sure you don’t marry the wrong man. And when it comes to telling you how to raise your kids. But I get ahead of myself; that’s the next section.
How you raise your children
Women, here’s the most important part. If you don’t let a man tell you how to raise your children you are going to wind up with dead children. How do I know? Because John Piper said so.
You see, Piper once saw a mother on an airplane handle her child in a way he disapproves of. The flight attendant told the mother her child needed to turn off an electronic toy. That’s when things took a turn for the worse, he says.
When the flight attendant took her seat, the boy turned his device back on, and kept it on through the take off. The mother did nothing. I thought to myself, she is training him to be shot by police.
Mr. Piper should know. He says he once read an article about a boy in California who was shot by police for not lowering a toy gun when they told him to. Mr. Piper admits that he doesn’t know whether the boy heard the police instructions or what type of family the boy came from, but he is sure that the boy must have grown up being disobedient to his parents, that this is the root cause of his death, and that the same death awaits the little boy on the airplane if that young mother doesn’t learn how to be a better parent.
Listen to men!
If you’re still wondering what you can and cannot do, listen to a man who knows exactly how you women should live your lives.
Who is that man? It’s Wayne Grudem, who made a detailed list covering 83 activities women can and can’t do. 83 of them! You know it must be a good list because it’s so long. (Pay no attention to the fact that Paul said in Colossians 2 that list-making and rule-following isn’t profitable. He was talking about something else. Something completely else, I’m sure. Don’t you dare look it up for yourself, women! Just trust me!)
What you women really need
What women really need is not just a man, although that would make you a lot better off than you are on your own. What you really need is someone mightier than a mere man.
You women need a PATRIARCH. There are plenty to choose from:
Why, there’s Bill Gothard. Oh wait, he was just put on leave from his ministry while they look into obviously trumped up allegations of misconduct with young women.
You could try Fred Phelps. No, didn’t he pass away recently? Don’t know who took over for him at Westboro Baptist yet, but if you find the new guy you can try him.
Anyway, it really doesn’t matter which man you choose. What matters is that he’s a man.
That’s what women need.
[Here’s what happens when the false doctrine of patriarchy runs amok.]