I read what I thought was a funny article in The Atlantic about a guy named Justin Lookadoo. It looked just like a parody on bad Christian dating advice. Unfortunately, it wasn’t. Lookadoo’s programs are all too real, and his website shows he’s serious.
He’s also dangerous. Here’s an excerpt from his website’s advice to teenage girls:
3. The sexiest thing on a girl is happiness. Girls try so hard to add beauty and sexuality to themselves with clothes and make-up, but the truth is it’s your spirit that makes you hot.
7. Act confident. Dateable girls know that confidence is hot. And the cool part is that no one knows if you are confident but you. Confidence isn’t how you feel, it’s how you act. Act confident and people will think you are.
9. Let him lead. God made guys as leaders. Dateable girls get that and let him do guy things, get a door, open a ketchup bottle. They relax and let guys be guys. Which means they don’t ask him out!!!
And here’s part of his advice for teenage boys:
5. Face your Fears. Dateable guys will not be controlled by fear. Whatever controls you owns you. Fear is from the enemy and so the Dateable guy stands in the face of it and says, “ha!”
6. Men of God are wild, not domesticated. Dateable guys aren’t tamed. They don’t live by the rules of the opposite sex. They fight battles, conquer lands, and stand up for the oppressed.
He tells girls to be “hot” by being happy whether they feel like it or not, and on no account should the try to open a ketchup bottle if they ever hope to be dateable.
Boys should be wild “Men of God” who face their fears head on, not boys who cower with their doubts. And while boys are to man up and face their fears, girls are to fake confidence and try to fool everyone just so that they will be more dateable.
The article also reports that Lookadoo writes in one of his books that girls are responsible if a guy looks lustfully at them (yet he also tells girls that it’s up to them to be “hot”, remember), and he recently told a school assembly that girls should leave an abusive relationship but did not bother telling boys to stop being abusive in the first place.
Lookadoo calls these Cool Rules, but there’s nothing cool about the dangerous way he relies on one-dimensional stereotypes and baseless pop psychology to support his nonsensical teachings.
I am so glad my kids never tried to follow this type of advice. It’s a recipe for disaster.
If I were to give dating advice, it would look like this:
1. Hang out with friends you like and who like you back.
2. Maybe you’ll start feeling attracted to one of them, maybe you won’t.
3. Maybe one of them will start feeling attracted to you, and you either will feel the same or you won’t.
4. If you both feel the same type of attraction, spend some time together in ways that you both feel comfortable.
5. Don’t worry about being wild or confident or who opens the ketchup bottle.
6. Do it all for the glory of God. (1 Corinthians 10:31.)
There you have it. And as I suggest with all my advice: take it or leave it. At least you didn’t have to sit through a 90 minute school assembly to get it.